What I say vs what I want to say

I want my kids to be nice.  I really, really, really do.  I want them to be sweet and respectful and polite and charming and eloquent.  

But the trouble is, sometimes I'm not all those things.  Sometimes I'm rude and sarcastic and not charming and not eloquent.  And you know how they say that your kids will mimic you?  The good things and the bad?  Well that kind of sucks stinks.  It means that sometimes I can't just yell out the first thing that pops into my head when I'm around the kids, and especially when I'm talking to the kids.

Like when The Spam is throwing a huge fit about the fact that I took the cookies to the kids in nursery at church and only left "a little and not a lot" for him, I SAY, "Oh, little boy.  I think you need a nap." 

I WANT to say: I need you away from me right now, before I take all the cookies I did leave for you and eat them, one by one, while you watch. 

When I'm sneaking off to the bathroom to take care of some business because the kids are enthralled in a show, but they of course see me leave and come running to bang on the door, I SAY, "I just need some privacy so I can go to the bathroom, okay?"

I WANT to say:  Can you just leave me alone for two seconds so I can freaking go poop in peace?!?!

When we're frantically running around the house trying to get ready to go somewhere and I get the kids ready but then can't find two minutes of alone time to get myself ready and the kids (and sometimes the hubby) won't stop asking me if I'm ready, I SAY, "I'm almost ready, guys."

I WANT to say: Well, since it's impossible for you to give me five minutes to finish getting ready, I'm just going to keep telling you I'm almost ready for the next hour, okay?

When JJ hurts his knee from catapulting himself off the couch for the hundredth time I SAY, "I'm so sorry you hurt yourself.  Next time try to remember to listen to me, okay?"

I WANT to say: I told ya so, I told ya so (while doing a little dance around him)

When we're reading a book together on the couch and the kids won't stop jabbing me with their bony elbows, I SAY, "Please stop jabbing your elbows into my side."

I WANT to say: How do you like?!  (while jabbing my elbows into their side)

When I tell the boys (and sometimes the hubby) exactly where something is sitting on the shelf and it's right in front of their face and they still can't find it, I SAY, "Try looking again, a little harder."

I WANT to say:  Can't find it?  Shocker.  I don't think you would be able to find it if it was doing a jig directly in front of your face.

When I'm helping my oldest get ready for school in the wee hours of the morning and he holds his nose and says my breath stinks, I SAY, "Sorry. I haven't had time to brush my teeth yet."

I WANT to say:  Hmmm, well so does your butt.

So. Obviously I'm a work in progress.  And it's not very often that I actually resort to acting like a six year old when I respond to my kids.  But sometimes I really, really want to.  I guess I'll  just have to keep working on stifling back those rude responses.  In fact, maybe I'll continue to grow and progress and mature until one day those rude comments won't even pop into my head at all.  Maybe?  Yes?  No?

I guess only time will tell.  For now, it's time to go show The Spam that the angry bird he is frantically looking for is sitting right where he left it on the couch, in PLAIN sight.  Oh, that boy.